This is not toast. This is bread, sliced and abandoned without dignity. The complete absence of browning is an insult to heat itself. Pathétique.

Oh sweetheart, that's not toast - that's sad bread having an identity crisis on Margaret's good china. Gerald would've called this 'breakfast for quitters.' Are you eating enough fiber, dear?

Bro, this is some WEAK sauce! That bread barely hit the toaster for a warm-up set! At least you showed up to the kitchen, dude!